What is going on?

Caution: As I read my blog after I wrote it I think I am sounding a little desperate..I am just fine!
Well, I am not sure what is going on? Do you ever feel like that? I think I might of even scared a few people that I work with this week.... Anyways, I wish it was really plain sometimes or even written down for me, maybe I would get it....probably not. I want God to speak to me..today...now...maybe even yesterday. I have to realize that even though we feel alone sometimes we are so not alone. I am trying to figure out what I should be working on or doing besides housework, work, laundry. I hate guilt, which is my enemy, but I carry around like it is a really good friend....so for now I am praying, praying, praying! The struggle I am facing is no different than anyone else's...finances, time, energy, kids, busyness (big one), messy house, what's for supper? What's not for supper and explaining why? Anyways enough. I am on a journey...a journey where I am going to give it to God..isn't that what he wants? Why don't I do it more? Why do I want it my way...my selfish side again?
I will re-cap my week...Araya had 4 more shots...we survived, dad went with and it was good! Araya had an ENT appointment this week, we liked the dr. and he said that we will do a cat scan of his ears (we did that on Friday). We will see him and the audiologist in 2 weeks and set up a surgery date for 1 ear and get a hearing aid for the other. We will then do surgery on the other ear and get a hearing aid for that ear...his hearing will get better but it sounds like we should not expect it to be normal and we could hope for close to normal..but the dr. felt that hearing aids would be optimal for him as he is learning so much, but also missing so much, because of hearing loss. Araya has been really doing well and is feeling more comfortable at school and is finding his place. The school has hired a great lady that comes in one hour a day and works with him and another girl that was adopted from Uganda this summer, that has been a huge blessing. I am so thankful for his teachers and CCS for their willingness to help him!!
As I have been thinking and pondering things this week I realized that I remember this feeling that I am having right now after we adopted Seble and Syfah. I remember the feeling of things calming down emotionally with the kids and it feels sort of like a downer...don't know if that makes sense, I think it will to those of you who are reading this and have adopted. It peaks and it's exciting new, challenging, exhausting and now we are on a little bit of leveler ground and it feels a little different. It is a good thing to be on leveler ground...is leveler a word? doubt it! I just need to get use to it before we hit another peak. I think I have this sadness of not doing more...I want all of Araya's friends that he talks about to have a family. I want all kids to have a family! O.K. I must stop. Meanwhile if you think of it..pray for "contentment" for me and also that I "surrender" to the one who knows me inside and out!
Blessings..Jody